《10到25岁》第二章(6)：为什么导师心态有效

As I encountered this fascinating breadth of research on leadership, parenting, and teaching styles, I was dissatisfied by three major factors. First, there was a lack of a coherent vocabulary across different literatures that seemed to mostly be reaching the same conclusions. That’s why I proposed the framework shown in figure 2.2. Second, the literature wasn’t clear on why the mentor mindset was more effective. I needed to tie the ideas about how best to lead young people with the new science of adolescents’ neurobiological realities—their desire for status and respect. Third, the literature didn’t show where the mentor-mindset approach came from or why people held on to the less-effective enforcer- or protector-mindset approaches. Such knowledge would be crucial for figuring out how to shift leaders from enforcer or protector into the mentor-mindset group. My contribution to the literature was to solve these three issues.

在我接触到关于领导力、育儿和教学风格的大量研究时，我感到不满意，主要有三个因素。首先，不同文献之间缺乏一致的词汇表，却似乎得出了大致相同的结论。这就是为什么我提出了图2.2中所示的理论框架。其次，文献并没有清楚地说明为什么导师心态更有效。我需要将如何最好地引导年轻人的想法与青少年神经生物学现实的新科学(他们对地位和尊重的渴望)联系起来。第三，文献没有展示导师心态方法的来源，也没有说明为什么人们坚持效果较差的强制心态或保护心态。这些知识对于弄清楚如何将领导者从强制心态或保护心态转变为导师心态至关重要。我对文献的贡献就是解决这三个问题。

Here’s why the mentor mindset works in education, parenting, and management. It offers a way of resolving the adolescent predicament. Consider that young people don’t acquire their social standings by having status given to them. They get them by earning prestige—a unique kind of respect that only comes from having demonstrated their worth and value to socially powerful others, be they peers or leaders.

以下是导师心态在教育、育儿和管理中有效的原因。它提供了一种解决青少年窘境的方法。想想看，年轻人并不是通过被授权而在社会上立足；而是通过赢得声望来获得地位——这是一种独特的尊重，获得方法只有一种：向具有社会权势的他人（无论是同龄人还是领导者）展示他们的价值和重要性。

To be respected, in the language of the Tsimane, an Indigenous tribe in the Bolivian Amazon, means “worthy of admiration.” Thus, to say that the young want respect is to say that they want to be admired by people whose opinions they care about. They obtain this admiration by showing their skills to other members of the group. In our evolutionary history, this would mean that the young person successfully foraged or hunted or cared for an infant or protected the tribe from aggressors, and other members of the tribe noticed it. What did an effective mentor do, then? The Maori tribe in New Zealand has a beautiful term for it: whakamana, which means “to give prestige to, give authority to, confirm, enable, authorize, legitimize, empower, validate.” (Mana means “power,” and whaka means “to give.”) Whakamana is what leaders need to do to resolve the adolescent predicament and satisfy young people’s sensitivity to status and respect.

在玻利维亚亚马逊地区的土著部落提斯曼人的语言中，被尊重意味着“值得钦佩”。因此，说年轻人想要尊重就是说他们希望被他们在意的人所钦佩。他们通过向群体中的其他成员展示自己的技能来获得这种钦佩。在我们的演化历史中，这意味着年轻人成功地觅食、狩猎、照顾婴儿或保护部落免受侵略者侵害，并且部落的其他成员注意到了这一点。那么，一个合格的导师做了什么呢？新西兰的毛利部落有一个美丽的词汇来形容它：whakamana，意思是“赋予声望、赋予权威、确认、使能、授权、合法化、赋能、肯定”。（Mana意为“权力”，whaka意为“给予”。）Whakamana是领导者需要做的，用以解决青少年宭境，满足年轻人对地位和尊重的敏感度。

An effective mentor creates opportunities for young people to learn about, and begin to acquire, what counts for status in a valued social group. This is what Stef did, as shown at the outset of this chapter, when she gave Melanie a challenging project, helped her to perform well, and then gave her the credit in front of management. Like with chimp mentoring, Stef protected Melanie’s right to be in the room and earn a positive social reputation. It’s what Sergio does when he requires his physics students to complete ambitious hands-on activities—but he supports them until they master them. Mentors don’t take over and do things for young people, like the protector. Nor do mentors uphold impossible standards so that few are successful, like the enforcer. Instead, they find ways for young people to earn respectworthy reputations.

一个合格的导师为年轻人创造机会，让他们了解并开始获得，在有价值的社会群体中叫做地位的东西。这就是斯特夫在本章开头所做的事情，她给梅兰妮一个具有挑战性的项目，帮助她表现良好，然后在管理层面前给予她认可。就像黑猩猩的导师一样，斯特夫保护了梅兰妮的权利，使得她处于群体之中并赢得积极社会声誉。这也是塞尔吉奥所做的事情，他要求他的物理学生完成雄心勃勃的动手活动——但他支持他们直到他们掌握这些活动。导师不会像保护者那样接管并为年轻人做事。导师也不会像强制者那样坚持不可能的标准，以至于很少有人成功。相反，他们找到了方法，让年轻人赢得值得被尊重的名声。

Harvard University psychologist Dr. Joseph Henrich explains that prestige comes from one’s reputation for being competent and valuable to the group. Prestige offers a different route to status from dominance. Dominance is a show of force. It grants the kind of status where people listen to you because they must. Prestige, on the other hand, is the result of your actions and skills. Prestige bestows the kind of status where people listen to you willingly because they trust your competence and your knowledge. The enforcer mindset relies on dominance. Young people reluctantly follow because of fear of severe consequences but stop following as soon as the leader loosens their grip. That’s what we saw the boys do in Lewin’s authoritarian groups. The mentor mindset applies prestige-based leadership. Young people willingly follow the leader because of the exciting prospect that they can earn a better reputation. (In the protector mindset, young people don’t listen to the adult at all.)

哈佛大学心理学家约瑟夫·亨利克博士解释说，声望来自于一个人的名声：被认为在群体中有能力有价值。声望提供了一种不同于支配地位的途径。支配是一种力量的展示，它赋予了这种地位：人们必须听你的。声望却是你行动和技能的结果。声望赋予了这种地位：人们因为信任能力和知识而心甘情愿地听你的。强制心态依赖于支配：年轻人因为害怕严重后果而勉强跟随，但一旦领导者放松控制，他们就会停止跟随。这就是我们在勒温实验中的专制型群体中看到的男孩们的行为。导师心态是基于声望的领导力这一理念的应用。年轻人因为有机会赢得更好的声誉而心甘情愿地跟随领导者。（在保护心态中，年轻人根本不听成年人的话。）

Why is the prospect of earning prestige a powerful motivator? Not everyone has the strength or desire to dominate the group, so it’s not always a viable route to status. But prestige? That’s a universal option. Prestige is accessible. Anyone can learn and develop the skills to contribute to their group in some way. When young people do that, they feel an incredible sense of self-respect. The feeling of having earned prestige—rather than having something unearned given to you—ranks among the best feelings in the world, especially during an adolescent predicament. That’s why Melanie, Stef’s young direct report, said the day her presentation was well-received was one of her best days at the company.

为什么要赢得声望是一个强大的动力？并不是每个人都有力量或愿望去支配群体，所以这并不总是一条可行的获得地位的途径。但声望呢？那是一个普遍的选择。声望是可及的：任何人都可以学习和发展技能，以某种方式为他们的群体做出贡献。当年轻人这样做时，他们会感到一种难以置信的自我尊重。与被赋予某种不劳而获的东西不同，赢得声望的感觉是世界上最美好的感觉之一，尤其处于青少年窘境时。这就是为什么斯特夫的年轻直接下属梅兰妮说，她的演讲受到好评的那天是她在这家公司最好的一天。

By giving young people the thrilling opportunity to earn prestige—and satisfy their needs for status and respect—mentor-mindset leaders offer them the chance to feel amazing. Young people soon learn that if they want to keep feeling that way (and avoid feeling humiliated), they should follow the mentor-mindset leader. The enforcer- or protector-mindset leaders, by shaming, blaming, judging, evaluating, and controlling young people, deny the opportunity to earn prestige. That’s demotivating. The result is what Rosalie Wax saw on the reservation: passive or active teen rebellion.

通过给年轻人激动人心的赢得声望的机会——并满足他们对地位和尊重的需求——导师心态的领导者给了他们感受非凡的可能性。年轻人很快就会明白，如果他们想继续那种感觉（并避免感到羞辱），他们应该跟随拥有导师心态的领导者。强制心态或保护心态的领导者，通过羞辱、责备、评判、评估和控制年轻人，剥夺了他们赢得声望的机会，这是令人沮丧的。结果就是罗莎莉·瓦克斯在保留地上看到的那样：青少年被动或主动地叛逆。