《10到25岁》第二章(3)：三种心态框架

Soon after we published our wise-feedback study in 2014—demonstrating the importance of combining high standards with high support—I noticed a problem. The problem wasn’t with the science (we replicated our results). The problem was with how the study was being interpreted. More and more, I saw people describe my interventions as simple, cheap fixes to complex problems. The author Daniel Coyle, in his book The Culture Code, called it “magic feedback.” This bothered me. The secret sauce in wise feedback wasn’t what was written on the note. It was the dignity and respect afforded to young people at a time when they were vulnerable. That’s not magic; it’s the human condition. I began worrying that companies would start selling Post-it Notes with wise feedback prewritten on them, claiming they could magically erase the achievement gap.

2014年我们发布了关于智慧反馈的研究，展示了将高标准与高支持相结合的重要性。之后不久，我注意到了一个问题。问题不在于科学（我们复制了我们的结果），而在于这项研究是如何被解读的。我看到，人们越来越多地将我的干预措施描述为简单而廉价的修补方法，该方法能解决复杂问题。例如作者丹尼尔·科伊尔在他的书《文化密码》中称之为“魔法反馈”。这让我感到困扰。智慧反馈的秘方不是便条上写了什么，而是在年轻人脆弱的时候给予他们的尊严和尊重。这不是魔法，而是人的本性。我开始担心公司会开始销售预先写有智慧反馈的便签纸，声称它们可以神奇地消除成就差距。

My worries turned into a mission soon after I wandered into Uri Treisman’s calculus classroom at the University of Texas at Austin. Uri is a legendary math educator (among other things). I visited his class soon after I was promoted with tenure, simply because that was as good a time as any to start getting better at college teaching. What I saw influenced me profoundly. Yes, Treisman was the walking, talking embodiment of the wise-feedback note. But it wasn’t like he gave students a Post-it and a differential equation and then left them to their own devices. He had an elaborate system of supports that helped all students—no matter their backgrounds—to master calculus and have the option to become professional mathematicians, engineers, or scientists. Watching Treisman made me realize how much those of us in the ivory tower of academia can learn from observing expert practitioners in their natural habitats. Craving more examples, I met Stef Okamoto because, at the time, she was the best manager at Microsoft, according to several internal metrics. Later, I found Chip Engelland, the NBA’s best shooting coach. Then I found one of the most successful secondary school teachers in the United States, the top PhD mentor for astrophysicists, a highly effective parenting coach, and many more experts.

我的担忧很快变成了一项使命，那是在我漫步进入德克萨斯大学奥斯汀分校的尤里·特雷西曼的微积分课堂之后。尤里是一位传奇的数学教育家（还有其他许多成就）。我在获得终身教职后不久访问了他的课堂，只是因为那是一个提高大学教学水平的绝佳时机。我之所见对我产生了深远的影响。是的，特雷西曼是智慧反馈便条的鲜活化身；但他并不是给学生一张便签纸和一个微分方程，然后让他们自己想办法；而是有一个复杂的支持系统，帮助所有学生——无论他们的背景如何——掌握微积分，并有机会成为专业的数学家、工程师或科学家。观察特雷西曼让我意识到，我们这些身处学术象牙塔中的人，可以从观察专家在他们自然栖息地的实践中学到多少东西。当我正渴望更多的例子，我遇到了斯特夫·奥卡莫托，因为当时根据微软内部的几项指标，她是最好的经理。后来，我发现了NBA最好的投篮教练奇普·恩格兰。然后我又发现了一位美国最成功的中学教师，一位天体物理学的顶级博士导师，一位高效的家庭教育教练，以及许多其他专家。

Through years of observing and interviewing these leaders, I discovered what distinguished them from their less-successful colleagues: their mentor mindsets. This mindset is consistent with the lesson of the wise-feedback note, of course, but it is also more profound and nuanced. I called it a mindset because it was a worldview and suite of behaviors. It went beyond simple statements and included concrete actions. What’s more, these mentor-mindset leaders were far more effective than peers who used enforcer and protector mindsets.

通过多年观察和采访这些领导者，我发现他们与不太成功的同事之间的区别：他们的导师心态。这种心态当然与智慧反馈便条研究的结论类似，但也更深刻和细腻。我称之为心态，因为它是一种世界观和行为的组合。它不仅仅是简单的陈述，还包括具体的行动。更重要的是，这些具有导师心态的领导者比使用强制心态和保护心态的同行有效得多。

The simplest way to understand these mindsets—enforcer, protector, and mentor—is to examine the framework presented in figure 2.1. The first thing to notice is that there isn’t just one axis—rigor—that organizes leaders’ approaches with young people. It’s not the case that we can only be low-rigor pushovers (i.e., the protector) or high-rigor dictators (i.e., the enforcer). In fact, there are two axes. You can have high standards and high support. You can be a mentor.

理解这三种心态——强制、保护和导师——的最简单方法是考察图2.1中呈现的框架。首先要注意的是，组织领导者与年轻人打交道的方式不仅仅有一个轴——严格。并不是说我们只能是低严格的软柿子（即保护者）或高严格的独裁者（即强制者）。事实上，有两个轴。你可以有高标准和高支持。你可以成为导师。

Think of two perpendicular dimensions, as shown in figure 2.1. One is standards (i.e., rigor or expectations) and the other is support (social, emotional, or material). High standards, low support: that’s the enforcer mindset. High support, low standards: that’s the protector mindset. High standards, high support: that’s the mentor mindset. (There’s a fourth quadrant in the bottom left, the apathetic mindset. These checked-out people tend to end up in either the enforcer or protector quadrants when they reengage anyway, so there isn’t much use in describing them.)

想象两个垂直的维度，如图2.1所示。一个是标准（即严格程度或期望），另一个是支持（社会、情感或物质）。高标准、低支持：这是强制心态。高支持、低标准：这是保护心态。高标准、高支持：这是导师心态。（左下角还有一个第四象限，即冷漠心态。这些置身事外的人无论如何最终都会进入强制者或保护者象限，所以描述他们并没有太大用处。）

As I spoke with dozens of managers, parents, and educators, I started wondering: Why does anyone resort to the enforcer or protector mindset? Because these suboptimal leadership styles come from valid fears and worries. On the enforcer side, people worry that immature and defiant young people could wreak havoc on society. They need accountability. They need discipline. They need standards. That’s the price of excellence, we tell ourselves, and, I’m either willing to inflict pain on people to get their very best performances or I’m not. If that’s their starting assumption, then it’s obvious why an enforcer can feel like they’re doing what’s best for young people (and society). Unfortunately, enforcing a standard without providing support means punishing or failing young people far too often, especially the most vulnerable.

在与数十名经理、家长和教育工作者交谈时，我开始思考：为什么有人会诉诸强制心态或保护心态？因为这些次优的领导风格源于合理的恐惧和担忧。站在强制者的角度，人们担心不成熟和叛逆的年轻人可能会对社会造成严重破坏。他们需要责任感；他们需要纪律；他们需要标准。“我们告诉自己，这是卓越的代价，我要么愿意让人们承受痛苦以获得他们最好的表现，要么不愿意。”如果这是他们的起点假设，那么强制者会觉得自己在做对年轻人（和社会）最好的事情就显而易见了。不幸的是，强制标准而不提供支持，意味着过于频繁地惩罚或让年轻人失败，尤其是最脆弱的年轻人。

On the protector side, it can seem cruel to hold young people to standards we don’t think they can meet, like we’re failing fifth graders for not knowing calculus. We fear being too demanding. They aren’t mature, we say, so it’s unfair to expect too much of them. Because we care for young people, we do everything for them. I should care more about the person than thetr performance. Then we end up prioritizing self-esteem boosts rather than legitimate accomplishment. While this approach usually comes from a caring place, it doesn’t push young people to grow. What’s more, it can come across disrespectfully because it is rooted in a belief in young people’s incompetence.

站在保护者的角度，坚持要求年轻人达到高标准——我们认为无法达到的标准——看起来很残酷，就像因为五年级学生不懂微积分而让他们不及格一样。我们害怕要求太高。“他们还不成熟，所以期望太高是不公平的。” 因为关心年轻人，所以我们为他们做一切。“我应该更关心人而不是他们的表现。” 因此最终，我们优先考虑自尊的提升，而不是真正的成就。虽然这种方法通常源于关心，但它并没有推动年轻人成长。更重要的是，它可能显得不尊重，因为它根植于年轻人无能的信念。

The third way, the mentor mindset, is to have high standards plus high support. Upholding high standards can help maintain order and prevent the feared descent into chaos. Simultaneously, the high levels of support convey how much we care for young people. By taking young people seriously and giving them the support they need to earn impressive reputations, we give them a route to status and respect. They get to earn prestige, which they need far more than a self-esteem puff-up. Thus, we can begin to resolve the adolescent predicament. Decades of scientific research, reviewed in the following pages, shows that the mentor mindset is the most effective leadership style for the broadest group of young people.

第三种方式，导师心态，是既要求高标准，又提供高支持。坚持高标准可以帮助维持秩序，防止陷入令人害怕的混乱。同时，高水平的支持传达了我们多么关心年轻人。通过认真对待年轻人并给予他们所需要的支持，从而让他们赢得令人印象深刻的声誉，我们给了他们一条通往地位和尊重的道路。他们能够赢得声望，这比自尊心膨胀更要紧。因此，我们可以开始解决青少年宭境。数十年的科学研究（下文将回顾）显示，针对年轻人中的最广泛群体，导师心态是最有效的领导风格。

Luckily, there’s hope for those of us who use the enforcer and protector mindsets. Each is half-right. The enforcer has the standards. Great! Now let’s add the support. The protector has the support. Great! Now let’s add the standards. If we want to change ourselves or others, we can’t blame or shame. We can tweak our styles and become more effective leaders.

幸运的是，对于那些使用强制心态和保护心态的人来说，还有希望。每一种都有一半正确。强制者有标准。太好了！现在让我们加上支持。保护者有支持。太好了！现在让我们加上标准。如果我们想改变自己或他人，我们不能责备或羞辱。我们可以调整我们的风格，成为更有效的领导者。

Box 2.1 A Preteen’s Summary of the Three Mindsets

One day my daughter Scarlett, in seventh grade at the time, asked me, “Daddy, what kind of middle school teacher were you?”

“What do you mean by that?” I replied, pretending like I wasn’t writing a book about that exact topic.

Scarlett shocked me with an authentic description of this book’s three mindsets.

“Well, were you the very strict teacher that nobody likes, so strict that nobody learns anything? Where there’s no time to talk, and they don’t help you, and the only reason you listen to them is so you get a good grade and don’t get yelled at?”

That’s the enforcer mindset!

“Or were you the teacher where everyone is talking when you’re doing stuff, and you don’t really care, and they’re free to do whatever they want, and you still kind of get a good grade?”

The protector mindset!

“Or were you the teacher where even if nobody likes the subject, you make the kids actually like it, where everybody’s quiet because they want to work hard, where you get freedom, but you know when it’s too far, and we don’t disrespect you because we think your rules make sense? Like, a good teacher that everybody loves?”

What a description of the mentor mindset!

Scarlett had spontaneously generated the best 150-word summary of this book I could imagine. Without answering, I asked, “Scarlett, did you make those up? Or did you read about them somewhere?”

“I made it up in my brain,” she assured me. At that moment I realized that the three mindsets I saw in my observations—enforcer, protector, and mentor— have a basis in how young people make sense of the world.

盒子2.1 一个不到10岁孩子的三种心态总结

有一天，我那时七年级的女儿斯嘉丽问我：“爸爸，你以前是什么样的中学老师？”

“你是什么意思？”我回答，假装自己没有在写一本恰好是这个主题的书。

斯嘉丽用一个真实的描述震撼了我，描述了这本书的三种心态。

“嗯，你是那种非常严格的老师吗？没有人喜欢，严格到没有人能学到东西；在课堂上没有时间交谈，老师也不帮你，你听课的唯一原因是为了得到好成绩，不被骂？”

那就是强制心态！

“或者，你是这样的老师吗？大家在你讲课的时候都在说话，你也不太在乎，他们可以自由地做任何想做的事，还能得到好成绩？”

保护心态！

“或者，你是那种老师吗？即使没有人喜欢这个科目，你也能让孩子们真正喜欢它，每个人都安静，因为他们想努力学习；你给了自由，但你知道什么时候太过分；我们不会不尊重你，因为我们觉得你的规则是有道理的；就是那种，每个人都喜欢的的好老师？”

对导师心态的多么贴切的描述啊！

斯嘉丽嘴巴里自动跳出了对这本书的总结，这是我能想到的最好的150字总结。我没有回答，而是问：“斯嘉丽，是你自己想出来的吗？还是你在哪里读到的？”

“我在脑子里想出来的，”她向我保证。那一刻我意识到，在我观察中看到的三种心态——强制、保护和导师——在年轻人理解世界的方式中有基础。

Although the terms enforcer, protector, and mentor mindsets are new, the ideas are rooted in more than eighty years of research. As I examined this research literature, however, I was struck by a troubling observation. Each different subfield—about managers, parents, educators, and more—had its own vocabulary and intellectual history. Nobody had worked out the parallels. There were best practices for managers and best practices for parents of teenagers and best practices for teachers. There had to be an overlap. Neurobiology doesn’t change when young people go from home to school, from school to work, or from work to home. But the literature didn’t link these different contexts.

尽管强制心态、保护心态和导师心态这些术语是新的，但这些理念植根于八十多年的研究。然而，当我审视相关研究文献时，我被一个令人不安的发现所震惊。每个不同的子领域——有关经理、家长、教育工作者等等——都有自己的词汇和认知历史，没有人梳理过这些平行关系。有针对经理的最佳实践，有针对青少年家长的最佳实践，有针对教师的最佳实践。一定有重叠。神经生物学不会因为年轻人从家到学校、从学校到工作或从工作到家的变化而改变。但文献并没有将这些不同情境联系起来。

This disconnected scientific literature was a problem. It meant that knowledge about how to perform one role wasn’t being shared with the others, and that was a shame. Consider, for example, how much managers and parents could learn from great educators. A teacher restarts their culture every year or semester with a new group of students, and they often teach one hundred or more students per year. They see the arc of a relationship unfold many times. This gives them many opportunities to learn what works by trial and error. The average parent, by contrast, will parent only two or three young people. They will hardly ever feel like they got a relationship do-over. New managers usually have only a handful of direct reports. Until now, there hasn’t been a way to cross-reference the key terms from educators to managers or parents and back. What follows is my attempt to do this —to tie this intellectual history into a single coherent story that’s based on the neurobiological realities of youth—their need for status and respect.

这种脱节的科学文献是一个问题。这意味着关于如何扮演一个角色的知识没有与其他角色共享，这是遗憾的。例如，考虑经理和家长能从伟大的教育工作者那里学到多少。教师每年或每学期都会与一群新学生重新开始他们的文化，他们通常每年教授一百多名学生。他们多次看到关系的弧线展开。这给了他们许多通过试错学习什么的机会。相比之下，普通家长只会养育两三个年轻人。他们几乎永远不会觉得他们得到了关系的重置。新经理通常只有少数直接下属。直到现在，还没有一种方法可以将教育工作者、经理或家长的关键术语进行交叉参考。下文我尝试这样做：将这些知识历史编织成一个基于青少年神经生物学现实（他们对地位和尊重的需求）的单一连贯故事。