《10到25岁》介绍(1)

说明：我准备连载《10到25岁》这本书的原文和翻译。本文是介绍部分的第一篇。

It seems like everywhere you turn, you hear older adults—-Gen Xers, millennials, and boomers—-describing young people today in dark and despairing terms. In my eighteen years as a developmental scientist, and thirteen years as a parent, I’ve heard it in the bleachers at my kids’ games, in the boardrooms of major corporations I’ve consulted for, and by the watercoolers at schools I’ve visited. They just dont care. They speak a different language. They’re entitled. They’re too sensitive. But imagine a world in which older adults interact with young people, aged ten to twenty-five, in ways that reliably leave the next generation feeling inspired, enthusiastic, and ready to contribute—rather than disengaged, outraged, worried, or overwhelmed.

无论你走到哪里，都会听到年长一代用阴暗和绝望的词汇——X世代、千禧一代和婴儿潮一代——描述今天的年轻人。在我作为发展科学家的十八年以及作为父亲的十三年里，在孩子们比赛的看台上、在咨询过的各大公司的董事会会议室里、在参观过的学校的饮水机旁都听到过这些话。“他们根本不在乎。他们说的是不同的语言。他们被宠坏了。他们太过敏感。”但想象一下这样一个世界：年长一代以某种方式与年龄在十到二十五岁之间的年轻人互动，这种方式能可靠地让下一代感到振奋、热情并准备好贡献——而不是疏离、愤怒、担忧或不知所措。

In this world, managers’ work will be easier because their younger employees will be motivated and self-sufficient. Parents will be happier because they won’t have to dread their children turning into teenagers. Educators will feel more successful and less burned-out because they can reach a stressed-out or disengaged generation of young people. And all the rest of us will be able to bridge the divide between the generations with confidence and without starting a war of words.

在这个世界里，管理者们的工作会变得更轻松，因为他们的年轻员工会自我激励和自我满足。父母会更快乐，因为他们用不着担心孩子有青春期的叛逆。教育工作者会感到更成功、更不会枯竭，因为他们能够真正从心底走进压力重重或疏离的年轻一代。而其他所有人都能自信地弥合代际鸿沟，而不必引发口水战。

I’ve seen this world in the lives of great managers, parents, educators, and coaches. I’ve studied what they do and how they talk. I’ve used the scientific method—-hypothesis, experiment, data, results—-to understand why they’re effective. I wrote this book because I want to share the secrets I’ve learned. This book is for anyone who wants to experience this better world firsthand in their interactions with young people aged ten to twenty-five. It shows how to stop clashing with the next generation and start inspiring them.

我在那些伟大的管理者、父母、教育工作者和教练的生活中见过这样的世界。我研究了他们做什么、怎么说。我使用了科学方法——假设、实验、数据、结果——来理解他们为何有效。我写这本书是因为我想分享我所学到的秘诀。本书为任何有如下特点的人而写：他们希望在与10到25岁的年轻人的互动中，亲身体验这个更美好世界。本书展示了如何停止与下一代冲突，并开始激励他们。

The idea for this book grew out of a simple observation I made about a decade ago: many beloved programs to promote youth health and well-being were shockingly ineffective. For example, in the mid-1980s, the U.S. federal government launched the “Just Say No” campaign encouraging young people to “just say no” when they were offered cigarettes, drugs, or alcohol. Not only did the campaign fail to curb teenagers’ substance abuse, but studies found it increased the appeal of smoking and other drugs. Next, the government tried the Drug Abuse Resistance Education (D.A.R.E.) program. Uniformed police officers visited classrooms to communicate a zero-tolerance policy toward all illicit substances. D.A.R.E. officers lectured students and handed out freebies, such as neon pens, fanny packs, bumper stickers, and T-shirts. At the program’s height, 75 percent of school districts in the United States were using it. The problem? It didn’t work either. Some studies found that the D.A.R.E. program made students more likely to use drugs. In 2007,the Association for Psychological Science warned that D.A.R.E. was on a list of youth programs with the potential to cause harm. That hasn’t stopped D.A.R.E. from continuing to be used in the majority of schools in the United States—-including my own kids’ schools.

这本书的灵感源于我大约十年前的一个简单观察：许多备受推崇的促进青少年健康和福祉的项目竟然出奇地无效。例如，在20世纪80年代中期，美国联邦政府发起了“坚决说不”运动，鼓励年轻人在被提供香烟、毒品或酒精时“坚决说不”。不仅这场运动未能遏制青少年的物质滥用，研究还发现它增加了吸烟和其他毒品的吸引力。接下来，政府尝试了药物滥用抵抗教育（简称 D.A.R.E.）项目。身着制服的警察访问课堂，传达对所有非法物质的零容忍政策。D.A.R.E. 官员对学生进行讲座，并分发免费赠品，如霓虹笔、腰包、保险杠贴纸和T恤。在该项目的高峰期，美国75%的学区都在使用它。问题在于？它也不奏效。一些研究发现，D.A.R.E. 项目反而让学生更可能吸食毒品。2007年，心理科学协会警告说，D.A.R.E. 在一个项目列表上，该列表的项目都对青少年有潜在的伤害。但这并没有阻止D.A.R.E. 继续在美国大多数学校——包括我自己孩子的学校——中使用。

The more I dug into the research literature, the more I saw a similar story. I looked at attempts to reduce bullying or teen obesity, programs to improve youth mental health, or efforts to promote healthier social media use. Programs touted by experts rarely yielded benefits. Interestingly, the same or similar programs were often effective with younger children. I became obsessed with a question: Why does our ability to positively influence the trajectories of the young suddenly disappear the moment puberty strikes?

我越深入研究文献，就越看到类似的故事。我考察了减少霸凌或青少年减肥的尝试、改善青少年心理健康的项目，或促进更健康社交媒体使用的努力。专家们推崇的项目很少产生效益。有趣的是，相同或类似的项目在年幼儿童中往往有效。我沉迷于一个问题：为什么我们积极影响年轻人生活轨迹的能力会在青春期突然消失？

It wasn’t just a problem with formal programs. I learned that hardly anyone—-managers, parents, educators, coaches—-felt like they knew the right thing to say to a young person when it really counted. Young people were a mystery.

这不仅是一个正式项目的问题。我了解到几乎没有人——管理者、父母、教育工作者、教练——觉得他们在关键时刻知道该对年轻人说什么。年轻人是个谜。

Unfortunately, the advice most people got didn’t help. People told me they felt ineffective, hopeless, or even angry. That obvious and palpable frustration made young people even less inclined to listen. Around the world, this cycle repeated itself over and over, leaving youth and adults exhausted. Two short stories illustrate this point.

不幸的是，大多数人得到的建议并没有帮助。人们告诉我，他们感到无效、绝望，甚至愤怒。那种明显和可感知的挫败感让年轻人更不愿意倾听。在世界各地，这个循环不断重复，让年轻人和成年人精疲力尽。两个短故事说明了这一点。

The Mentor’s Dilemma 导师的困境

One day, I was having coffee in San Francisco with an old friend, Dr. Alex Sweeney. He’s a tall, handsome surgeon. The kind of person others listen to, which has been the case since his days as a high school and college quarterback. After he graduated from one of the country’s top medical schools, he landed a prestigious fellowship.

有一天，我在旧金山和一位老朋友、亚历克斯·斯威尼博士喝咖啡。他是一位高大英俊的外科医生。那种别人会倾听的人，从高中和大学橄榄球四分卫时代起就是这样。从该国顶尖医学院毕业后，他获得了一个声望很高的奖学金。

Now, he’s a professor at a top medical school, specializing in ear, nose, and throat (ENT) medicine. Alex spends a lot of his time doing cochlear implants, which restore people’s hearing—literally performing biblical-style miracles. He had a problem, though, and he wanted my advice. Alex supervised medical students and residents who were in their early twenties. When they messed up, he told me, he gave them clear and direct feedback, like that they needed to do an assessment differently or ask for a second opinion. But the residents didn’t seem to fix their mistakes the next time. They kept making the same errors, as though he had never said anything to them. Alex couldn’t figure out why. “It’s frustrating,” he told me.

现在，他是顶尖医学院的教授，专攻耳鼻喉（ENT）医学。亚历克斯花很多时间做人工耳蜗植入手术，恢复人们的听力——简直是在表演圣经式的奇迹。但他有个问题，他想听听我的建议。亚历克斯指导的是二十出头的研究生和住院医师。当他告诉我他们搞砸了时，他会给他们清晰直接的反馈，比如他们需要以不同的方式做评估或寻求第二意见。但住院医师似乎并没有在下一次改正错误。他们继续犯同样的错误，仿佛他从未对他们说过什么。亚历克斯搞不懂为什么。“这很令人沮丧，”他告诉我。

He spent all day helping his patients hear, but he couldn’t make his trainees listen.

他花了一整天帮助他的病人能够听见，但他无法让他的实习生们听话。

Here’s another story. When writing this book, I followed one new manager and his twenty-three-year-old direct report for a year. They worked for a well-known large fashion-accessory company. (I agreed to mask their identities.) In fashion, young people are essential because they know what’s trending better than older folks. In a very real sense, the manager’s success depended on the young employee having the courage to provide honest opinions. But the direct report wasn’t doing that. Her manager had read every management book, subscribed to every business–school professor’s Instagram feed, and listened to every podcast. The manager cared about the direct report’s career. But all that conventional wisdom wasn’t working.

这里还有另一个故事。在写这本书时，我跟踪了一位新经理和他23岁的直接下属一年。他们在一家知名的大型时尚配饰公司工作。（我同意隐瞒他们的身份。）在时尚界，年轻人是必不可少的，因为他们比年长者更了解潮流趋势。从非常现实的角度来看，经理的成功取决于这位年轻员工是否有勇气提供诚实的意见。但这位直接下属并没有这么做。她的经理读遍了管理书籍，订阅了无数商学院教授的Instagram动态，并听了许许多多的播客。经理关心直接下属的职业生涯。但所有这些传统智慧都没有奏效。

One day in a meeting with senior management, the manager threw the young employee a softball question to solicit her opinion as a member of the target demographic. She flubbed it, and senior management was unimpressed. When the pair debriefed, the manager told her that she had missed an opportunity to share her thinking and get in line for a promotion. The direct report cried. The manager felt exasperated. As it turns out, the young employee felt unfairly criticized and put on the spot, as though the manager didn’t believe in her. She thought he was trying to make her look bad in front of the higher-ups so that he wouldn’t be blamed for her failure. There was a disconnect. The manager was trying to elevate her career, but she felt publicly shamed and privately unsupported. Nobody got what they wanted. A month later, she was gone from the company.

有一天，在与高级管理层的会议中，经理向这位年轻员工抛出了一个简单的问题，以征求她作为目标受众成员的意见。她搞砸了，高级管理层对此不以为然。当两人进行事后总结时，经理告诉她，她错过了一个分享想法并争取晋升机会的机会。直接下属哭了。经理感到沮丧。事实证明，这位年轻员工觉得自己受到了不公平的批评和当场指责，仿佛经理不相信她。她认为他试图在上级面前让她难堪，这样他就不会因为她的失败而受到责备。这里存在一种脱节。经理试图提升她的职业能力，而她却感到公开羞辱，私下里也得不到支持。没有人得偿所愿。一个月后，她离开了公司。

Both Alex and the manager were trapped by the mentor’s dilemma. This refers to the fact that it’s very hard to simultaneously criticize someone’s work and motivate them because criticism can crush a young person’s confidence. It’s a dilemma because leaders feel like they’re stuck between two bad choices. They could either put up with poor performance (but be nice) or demand high performance (but be cruel). Neither option is ideal. All too often, both sides—-younger and older—tend to leave these interactions frustrated or offended, even though both sides might have entered the interaction with growth in mind.

亚历克斯和经理都陷入了“导师的困境”。这表明了如下的现实，批评某人的工作并同时激励他们是非常困难的，因为批评可能会摧毁年轻人的自信。这是一个“困境”，因为领导者感觉被困在两个糟糕的选择之间。他们要么忍受低绩效（但态度友好），要么要求高绩效（但态度残忍）。两种选择都不理想。通常情况下，年轻的和年长的双方都会在交互中感到沮丧或被冒犯，尽管彼此可能都是在脑子里想着成长。

The mentor’s dilemma was first discovered by Geoffrey Cohen, a social psychologist at Stanford University. Cohen was studying college professors who gave rigorous, critical feedback to undergraduates on their writing assignments or presentations. He observed a puzzling trend: students took home their first-draft essays covered in comments but handed in their second drafts with barely any changes. Cohen saw that professors were frustrated and demoralized, thinking (like Alex did with his medical residents), I’ve spent all this time giving them feedback, but it was a waste. They never fixed anything. What’s the point?

导师的困境最早是由斯坦福大学的社会心理学家杰弗里·科恩发现的。科恩在研究大学教授对本科生的写作作业或演讲给予严格、批判性反馈时，发现了一个令人困惑的趋势：学生们带回了满是批注的初稿论文，但交上来的二稿几乎没有改动。科恩看到教授们感到沮丧和士气低落，想着（就像亚历克斯对他的医学院实习生那样），“我花了这么多时间给他们反馈，但都是徒劳。他们什么也没改。有什么意义呢？”

Coaches face this same dilemma when players don’t correct their mechanics after direct feedback, partners at law firms face this when they mark up a junior associate’s legal briefs, product designers face this when critiquing junior designers’ work, and every parent faces this when children ignore what they’ve been asked to do. In each case, a leader feels torn between being too nice and too mean. No matter what they choose, things don’t go the way they had hoped.

当球员在直接反馈后不纠正动作时，教练面临同样的困境；当修改初级律师的简报时，律师事务所的合伙人也面临这种情况；在批评初级设计师的工作时，产品设计师也是如此；在孩子忽视被要求做的事情时，每个家长也一样。在上述每种情境下，领导者都感觉在过于友好和过于严厉之间左右为难。无论他们选择什么，事情都不会如他们所愿。

How can the mentor’s dilemma be resolved? Many people swear by the compliment sandwich. This is where you bury your criticism of a young person between two pieces of bland praise, such as: I like your enthusiasm (positive), your work is subpar and needs to improve (negative), but thanks for having a great attitude (positive). It’s not hard to see why speakers like the sandwich. The two compliments provide twice as many positives as the brutally honest negative. Applying simple arithmetic, the interaction was a net positive. What’s not to like?

如何解决导师的困境？许多人推崇赞美三明治法。这种方法是将你对年轻人的批评夹在两片平淡的赞美之间，例如：“我喜欢你的热情（正面），你的工作表现不佳需要改进（负面），但感谢你拥有良好的态度（正面）”。不难看出为什么说话者喜欢这种三明治法。两个赞美提供了比直截了当的负面评价多一倍的正面评价。简单算术来看，这次互动是总体正面的。有什么不喜欢的呢？

But here’s the problem. Young people don’t like the sandwich. The reason why is that they aren’t asking themselves if their boss, coach, parent, or teacher is a positive person. Science tells us that when young people are being critiqued by an authority figure, they’re asking themselves a deeper, more existential question: Does this person who has power over my life think I’m incompetent? Before they can hear the criticism for what it is—helpful advice on how to better meet their goals—-they have to feel safe. The compliment sandwich is an attempt to create safety, but the problem is that the compliment is about something trivial. Bland praise for something unimportant and unrelated to personal or professional success doesn’t address the young person’s main fear. If anything, it confirms their fear that the leader thinks they’re incompetent. The leader doesn’t say anything good about their work, and even worse, the leader thinks their obvious attempt to placate the young person with hollow praise will work. Listeners just latch on to the criticism and view it as a personal attack.

但问题在于，年轻人不喜欢这种三明治法。原因在于，他们并没有问自己老板、教练、家长或老师是否是一个积极的人。科学告诉我们，当年轻人被权威人士批评时，他们在问自己一个更深层次、更具存在主义的问题：“这个对我生活有控制权的人认为我不称职吗？”在他们能够听到批评的本质——关于如何更好地实现目标的建议——之前，他们必须感到安全。赞美三明治法试图创造安全感，但问题是赞美的是一些无关紧要的事情。对一些不重要且与个人或职业成功无关的事情的平淡赞美，并不能解决年轻人主要的恐惧。如果有什么影响的话，它反而证实了他们的恐惧，即领导者认为他们不称职。领导者没有对他们的工作说任何好话，更糟糕的是，领导者认为他们明显试图用空洞的赞美来安抚年轻人会奏效。听众只会抓住批评，并将其视为个人攻击。

The fact that common ideas such as the compliment sandwich persist despite their ineffectiveness suggests that we need a systematic science of motivating young people. This book will describe rigorous experiments that have been conducted to tell the difference between common sense and nonsense.

尽管像“赞美三明治”这样的常见观念在实践中无效，却依然盛行，这表明我们需要一个系统的科学方法来激励年轻人。本书将描述严格实验，区分常识与谬误。